yea fuck it

  My life conducts itself like a fat fish slappin’ around on wet pavement. It’s stupid an apparently pointless. But I’m havin’ a good time. I might be one bi-polar, obsessive compulsive motherfucker but I haven’t had it looked at in a while.

  I never really know what the next day is goin’ to bring. Having a good day is always the goal but sometimes having a good day means dropping everything and doin’ somethin’ stupid. I always say,”…it’ll be a stress reliever...” but most times it just creates bigger stress in the aftermath.

  So you try to avoid the aftermath by stacking one life changing act of stupidity on top of another and hoping the end will just come quick. It doesn’t, but you got to keep ploddin’ along walking down main street with pencils hangin’ out of your ears and a pineapple shoved down your pants. When in doubt, go fuckin’ nuts.

  I dealt with a little of the aftermath there for a bit and no matter how asinine the actions I tried to use to shake it even came close to working…so I stopped. I just drew the canvas over the windows of the Hamsteak closed and shriveled into the darkest corner watching Battlestar Gallactica and trying to go numb. Everything sucked except for riding but you got to stop sometime. A sad reality we all have to face.

  Every time I put the kickstand down the phone would ring or a bill was do. Shit just keeps on rollin’ whether you’re in a position to handle it or not. I woke up one morning and realized there ain’t no way to go off the mental grid permanently without eating your own shit while slathered in Vegamite. I either had to get it together and handle everything when the motor cools or just call it quits and become a junkie or something.

  So I was forcin’ myself to work through another project in the Sub-Basement when suddenly (and I mean suddenly) I started having fun…with the thing I had been doing all along. Just livin’ and tryin’ to keep myself out of the rain.

  The bike is a reliable runner I can jump on and go anywhere at the drop of a hat, the Hamsteak is almost ready to start up and split even though it’s only going to my new studio (I.E. the Sub-Basement).  and I got a book comin’ out How good is my life right now. I mean really, what’s to get all ‘cryin’ like a girl ‘about. Nothing, I ain’t got it to bad at all.

  Depression breeds insecurity and I hate it for that. But what can you do? It’ll happen again but I think I’m getting better at it. I got to go, I have some fresh cheese cake I am going to fill my shoes with. I figure nothing goes with screaming lines from Tony Danza shows  like shoes that are full of cheese cake. Now … get outta my office. “GTP”